How to influence: The power of "Yes, and..."

Relationships are Spirals

Spirals can move upwards or they can move downwards.

They can speed up, slow down or they can stop.

The words you choose dictate the direction of the spiral.

Which way are you going to make it spin?

Someone comes to you with an idea, a point. Maybe they are excited about it; maybe they are worried about it. Maybe it is a client, a colleague or a family member.

They tell you their idea.

Your reaction will be one of three things:

·      “No...”

·      “Yes, but”

·      “Yes, and...(question/listen)”

Your response will dictate the outcome of the conversation and the knock-on effect with your client, colleague or family member.

“No...” stops the conversation, stifles creativity and creates conflict.

“Hey love, I have seen a really nice place we could go for breakfast in the morning; do you fancy it?”                                   

“Darling I’m really sorry but I don’t have the time; can’t you see I’m busy?”

“OK” (Sad face)

“Yes, but...” is conditional, confrontational and neutralises the yes while anchoring the conversation in a problem.

“Hey love, I have seen a really nice place we could go for breakfast in the morning; do you fancy it?”

“Yes, but I am really busy; I've got a deadline for Monday."

“Yeah I guess so. You’re busy. Don’t worry about it then.”

“Yes, and...(question/listen)” agrees and enhances the other person’s point. It encourages ideas and anchors the conversation in the solution.

“Hey love, I have seen a really nice place we could go for breakfast in the morning; do you fancy it?”

“Breakfast? Sounds lovely, what’s it like? Wow yum. Sausages and crumpets. And bacon and fried bread! Yummy scrummy in my tummy...

... and what should I do about all my work?

"Let me help you. What can I do? 

"Aww, thanks Darling. I love you."

"I love you too."

(Exit stage left for snuggletime)

Start using this in your life today

This week: re-train your brain.

For one week, every time someone comes to you with an idea, think “YES AND”.

People’s ideas are special.

The people behind those ideas are special.

And, if you stick at this I guarantee something special will happen for you.

Have a smashing week!|

Jen

PS. Please do let me know what happens, I love to hear.