3 ways to stop being a victim of your own demands

On Monday morning I found myself crying into my cornflakes and beating my head on the side of the fridge. Whyyyy me? I snivelled as I looked at the endless tasks I had to do that day, and masses of people I had to deal with, and the rain I had to cycle in to get to a meeting I had to go to.

The world’s smallest violin came out and started singing a bitter tune of self-pity as I slipped into a dark cave of victimhood. Poor me.

We often think about the endless and tiring list of things that we have to do at work and in life.

 I have to pay the mortgage, pay the bills, walk the cat, feed the dog, deal with battling children, feed them, wash them, clean them, tidy them, tidy up your mess, their mess, everyone’s mess, put up with a job I hate, deal with a boss I despise, work with a team I hate, exercise more, smoke less, drink less, spend time with granny AND stick at it as I only have 20 years left until retirement.

 What does this do to us on a daily basis? Not only does it make us stressed, but by having this mentality we start to become victim of our own demands.

Are you a victim of your own demands?

 Have a look at the above list and make your own. What are your biggest sticking points at the moment? What do you “have” to do which is becoming a burden on your work or life?  

Write them down, and answer these questions: 

1) Does everyone else do it?

Does everyone else pay a mortgage, have kids, feed their kids, tidy up mess, put up with a job they hate, spend time with granny and sit in a job until retirement?

2) Are you a hostage, or in prison?

Is there a physical reason that you cannot walk away from the situation? For example, are you are a hostage, are you in prison, are you shackled to a tree or being held by the government in another country for fraudulent tax evasion? 

If the answer to the above two questions was “no” then this means that someone, at some point, decided that you should do all those things. 

And the funny thing is, that person was you.

From victim to values…

 Take the “sticking points” that you wrote down, and write down the answer to these questions:

What are your reasons for sticking at it?

How are these linked to your values?

Your values are things that are important to you :

E.g.

·      I value being able to feed my children, and be employed, therefore I stick at my job.

·      I value being healthy and living a long life, therefore I ensure I exercise

Remember that these are YOUR values, not your boss’ or your parents or society.

 Make a decision

If you want to have a peak performance mindset, it is now time to make a decision based on what you have written.

1)   Walk Away

Sometimes we become like an elastic band, stretched in many different directions, with demands coming at us from all angles.

Is your “sticking point” in line with your values? Does it help accelerate you to where you want to be?

2)   Accept it, knowing it is your choice to accept

Understand that you do not “have” to do this. It is a choice you have made based on your values. Accept it and remember “I choose” to do this.

3)   Do something about it

If you want to do something about it then write down a list of practical things that you can do to make change and commit to making it happen.

OR

If the situation involves another person, think how you can approach them to discuss this in a win-win way (this involves a whole other blog post, coming soon).

So the next time you are feeling overwhelmed with the onslaught of things you “have’ to do, remember that you have a choice. Adopt a peak performance mindset, take responsibility and choose: Choose to walk away, choose to accept and stop playing the victim, or choose to do something about it.

Just remember to choose.

Have a great week,

Jen

CreativeMind Sales Training